Day 5

... was not so great. I overslept, and alarmingly I spent way, way, way too much time lost on the Internet (procrastinating from some study I have to do).

If I wrote about my attempts to eat less, they would be ludicrous, the stuff of reality television where the fatties look shocked upon being told that they were filmed eating fish and chips down at the pub. Guys, I only ate *four* pieces of pizza. Not a whole large pizza! Isn't that success!

Look, I'm not going to be a weight-loss sensation overnight, but I am a bit proud of the ability to slow it down a bit. What comes next is the binge mentality: "OK, now we need icecream or baked goods." I whipped up some biscuits and then ate too many of them.

How do I counter that binge mentality?
- One, never ever ever ever ever going on a low-carb diet again, no matter how difficult. It's tough because I feel that I can't trust myself, I might go back to it.
- Two, returning to the old trick of allowing myself to eat a bit of chocolate or a small sweet every day, the equivalent of a fun-size bar. One part of my brain doesn't want to do this - don't I know that I will be stuck fat forever? - but another part thinks that it might be the only way to at least stem the wild overeating.
- Three, mindfulness mindfulness mindfulness. For example, today I woke up and I wanted some of the sourdough bread that we had (probably partially as a backlash to waking up thinking that I should be on a diet - my mum and I had promised to "go hard"). That's fine. However, when it came to eating it, I scoffed it down whilst skimming articles on the internet, not really taking the time to enjoy it. I also ate an extra bit. There were no fruits or vegetables involved with the meal, just goats cheese on bread. I feel better about eating if I sit down with no distractions and take my time.

Bloody hell, this is tough, and also so painfully mundane.

This evening I'm going to have dinner then head over to a friend's. For dinner I'll have some roast veggies, quinoa, and an egg (two would be preferable, but we've run out). Later, I will eat a piece of fun-sized chocolate. I am so looking forward to smashing out the banal stage and getting into the swing of things again.

Things I did for my self-care: paint my nails. That's about it, I blatantly disregarded my self-care yesterday. Today I made my bed because Dear Coquette told me to.

How I am feeling right now: not in touch with my feelings. Exasperated with myself, a little bit frantic that I am falling behind on everything I have to do and wasting my time, a bit hopeless.