Days 3 and 4

The last two days have been two steps forward, one step back.

Right now I am feeling:
- Tired
- Thirsty
- A bit disappointed in myself
- A bit uneasy
- Generally content

I've actually had a lovely two days full of social activity, relaxing, cooking, and being creative. However, as always, I live a two-track existence; parallel to my real life, a world of food and control steams ahead. The last two days definitely have not been perfect or even 'good' in terms of eating.I've noticed that there is a really high element of spontaneity to my choices - in other words I lack impulse control. When I was seeing the psychologist, her solution was as simple as trying to delay the impulse and 'ride out' the wave. I think this is what I have to work on.

There have been other impulsive decisions too. One of the mains reasons that I'm feeling really uneasy is that I spent more than $500 at a sale today, after having spent a lot of money over the past few weeks. This is a bit unusual for me as I would normally consider myself someone who is quite prudent when it comes to clothes shopping - sure I love fashion but I don't go around snapping everything up. I'm hoping to rein this in by simply not going clothes shopping in the next while. I have goals to save for a house and it definitely doesn't make me feel good when I take actions that impede those goals. Other impulsive decisions include staying up til 3:30am to read a book, and dropping things mid-task.

That being said, I did try to work on my thought patterns a bit (yes, I'm aware of how weak and pathetic that sentence sounds). It was a slight shock to remember that I didn't have to have a cookie now because I could have a cookie anytime I wanted.

I think what I need to do now is plan out my meals and provide myself with some more structure, and practice rebuffing impulses.

Man this must be boring to read. Here, I'm presently reading Zadie Smith's review of The Social Network, which I'd read before but I wanted to appreciate her writing.
I'm also enjoying the song Love Me Less by One Day.
I also loooove going to beautiful cafes with friends in a way that has nothing to do with my food problems.

Things I did for my self-care included: going for walks, seeing friends, cooking a delicious healthy meal, reading an enjoyable book, sleeping in, beginning to sort through my wardrobe.