Just when you think you have a handle on all the reasons you binge eat, therapy brings out more. It's a bit exhausting sweeping the vast planes of my flawed personality only to find that it's full of craters and mountains - depression here, excessive aggression there, trust issues everywhere. I feel a bit sad at the state of my life right now, but it's better than having no perspective at all. I had never really thought about the possibility that I could be depressed, as to me depression sounds as if it involves sobbing in bed to the sound of angry rock music, but my therapist thought it could be a reason for how flat and unmotivated to practice basic self-care I get sometimes. I'm not into labels but it's another viewpoint at least.

This week I'm trying another strategy to bring my binges out of control. Pasta is one of my biggest binge foods, as it is easy to cook, moreish, and quickly sends me into a carb coma. Consequently I tend to avoid it when eating heathily. So in the next seven days I am going to eat pasta every night for dinner - not soba noodles or buckwheat, not with added vegetables, but my favourite white shell pasta with bolognese sauce cooked the way my mum makes it. However there are three limitations. Firstly, I must make salad to go with it. Secondly, I must stop when I am full. Thirdly, I must eat mindfully. By doing so, I'm hoping to build up my self-confidence in my ability to enjoy something without eating to excess. I came up with this myself so I'm hoping to surprise my therapist with some good news next week!

Today:
- The house is moderately clean
- I didn't exercise, but I did carry heavy shopping bags home, so that counts to me
- I am yet to meditate, I will do so after dinner.
- I haven't studied with a focused and productive mindset yet, but I'm hoping to after dinner

I can beat my disease.