More pasta

On day 4 of the Pasta Experiment, I have switched from white shell pasta with bolognese sauce to Latina cheese & spinach pasta with its accompanying tomato-based sauce, as I ran out of the former (I actually forgot to freeze the leftovers and they went off - annoyed at myself for wasting food).

In my household, Latina was what we prepared when mum didn't feel like cooking, and it has always felt like junk food to me. In reality it is probably no more processed than other fresh packet pastas, and it has a low GI symbol on it to boot (although I'm dubious, probably the fat content from the cheese has lowered the pasta's natural GI levels). So why not try to accept it as something that is a real meal and not a junk food binge? At the end of the day, it is pasta of a kind, and it is tasty. If I'm trying to reframe my thoughts to say that 'healthy' is not just raw carrots, then I should accept all foods. (And I am eating grated raw carrot on the side, anyway.)

In eating it I realised a few things. Firstly, I got strong food-sensory flashbacks (does anyone else get these?) to eating Latina as a kid. It is comforting. Secondly, half of the reason I find Latina so moreish is because it is a mashup of two of my binge/unsafe foods, pasta and cheese (especially melted cheese). Finally, my habit of chugging a lot of water during my meal was great in the past for persuading myself that I was full earlier than I actually was, but it's distorting my hunger signals. From now on, I will try to limit my water intake while eating meals. I'm not sure what to do about the other two other than just be aware of them.

Food and power
When I went for a walk to buy the pasta, I passed the old-school bakery at the shops, which stocks baked goods of my grandma's generation, slices and buns and lamingtons and whatnot. It struck me that I don't actually love the taste of the stuff there, I just expected that I should love all baked goods and they should be tempting. Why do I give my power to them unquestioningly? And I really do give my power to food, absolving myself of responsibility as if I had no say in the matter. This is partly that conspiratorial 'isn't this naughty, it's so bad, shall I sinfully indulge' script that I doubtless inherited from my culture, and partly my own unwillingness to assert my agency.

I went into the bakery and nothing really appealed. But I wanted to prove to myself that I could take or leave the goods, so I bought a caramel slice, and intend to eat it over three days to show to myself that again I am in power and not the food. I'm not sure if this is the right course of action as it's not quite intuitive, but this week is about pushing myself out of my comfort zone with food, so I'll see how I go.