Day 3 and so far there have been no binges! I've noticed that I still feel that white pasta is a 'bad' or 'unhealthy' food and that I'll never lose weight if I keep eating pasta, etc etc. Soba noodles and buckwheat pasta feel more 'safe'. I've also tried to curtail the behavioural side of things, which in the past has involved just standing there and eating a lot of cold pasta. There has been a little bit of that, but I have been stopping myself. What makes it harder is that white pasta is high GI so I do get hungry relatively quickly after eating it, a couple of hours later as opposed to four hours later with buckwheat pasta.
Eating mindfully is definitely still a struggle; my mind is desperate to not pay attention when I eat, and it will start reading faraway labels on packets of bread or retreat into itself. I also start to feel desperate when I don't eat on schedule, even when I am not hungry. I like breaking up my day with meals, which suggests that I need to find other ways to give myself a quick 20min break. To do: brainstorm ways for a 'break' when my mind craves food.
There has been some added stress because I am seeing a person soon who I want to look good in front of. I feel embarrassed to be fat in front of this person, even though they have seen me at even higher weights before, and they probably could not care less about what weight I'm at. It's a bit exacerbated by the fact that they do occasionally comment on my appearance and that stresses me out! So my first instinct is to go on a diet... but we all know how badly that would end. No, better to stay the course.
Remember:
Pasta does not make me fat.
Pasta is not good or bad, it is just food and it does NOT have a moral value.
Pasta is not unhealthy or junk food.
I am allowed to eat pasta, just as I am allowed to eat anything I want.
Pasta is not a special treat, I can eat it whenever I want. It is always available.
Weight loss is not my goal. Developing healthy behaviour and thinking is my goal.
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